Safe Soulmates: a friendship organisation for adults who have additional needs

This case study forms part of the What Good Looks Like report on people with a learning disability and autistic people. This co-produced report was commissioned from the Building the Right Support Advisory Group, as part of the wider action plan developed by the Building the Right Support Delivery Board. It has been supported by Partners in Care and Health.

Adult social care

07 Sep 2023

Introduction

Safe Soulmates is a friendship organisation for adults who have additional needs including autistic adults and adults with a learning disability. It runs social events and can support individuals to form romantic relationships, if there is a mutual connection. They also use a robust co-production approach that it is driven by the individuals who are members. The steering group is chaired by an individual with lived experience and events are developed to meet what members want.

The challenge

Professionals can be very risk adverse and appear to be uncomfortable talking about romantic relationships or just helping individuals create peer-to-peer friendships. Safe Soulmates has worked hard with professionals, so they understand the importance of friendship in keeping people well and safe.

Anxiety about how to keep people safe meant that there was a risk of stopping people coming together just because of what ‘might’ happen. To help manage these concerns Safe Soulmates is a membership organisation and this includes a vetting process, including the requirement to produce two references and to show photo ID.

Part of the initial barriers was that funders were also quite risk adverse and some could not see how the service fitted with the more ‘traditional’ services (such as day care). To shift this culture, the Safe Soulmates team has worked with professionals and commissioners so that they 'get’ the model.

The solution

The project was established in 2018 by two professionals in the sector that had worked with individuals who wanted romantic relationships and peer-to-peer friendships but found that were no services to help individuals do that.

They successfully bid for a small amount of funding from the National Lottery -£10,000 and were successful. It continues to grow and further Lottery and COVID funding has been secured.

Safe Soulmates carried out a consultation in Cambridgeshire in 2017/2018 and established that there is huge need for a not-for-profit dating and friendship organisation. Here are some of the headline statistics:

84 per cent of parents/carers think the person they care for is lonely.
93 per cent of parents/carers said that the person they care for does not have a partner/or is in an unsuitable relationship.
82 per cent of parents/carers think the person they care for would benefit from having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
92 per cent of parents/carers think the person they care for would benefit from new suitable friendships.
67 per cent of parents/carers said that the person they care for spends lots of their time talking about relationships and 69 per cent of parents/carers said that the person they care for is anxious about relationships.
Finally, 70 per cent of parents/carers said the person they support has not been able to meet new suitable new friends/partners because there is no support and no suitable dating/friendship agency.

Safe Soulmates recognises that individuals want different types of friendships and romantic relationships, and the format of the events/sessions means that individuals can choose the types of relationships they want to build. The regular peer-to-peer support has really helped individuals shared experiences, expertise and define their own normal.

This initiative meets an unmet need: 120 people attended the initial launch event and similar numbers attended the second event. It continues to grow and they now have 171 Soulmates.

Since it was established in 2018 it has worked with professionals to help shift their understanding of the importance of relationships for people with additional needs and ensure that professional skills/competences are developed. This includes providing trainee social worker placements.

It also provides a way into sexual health services that have been adapted to the needs of autistic people, people with a learning disability or both, with Dhiverse, a sexual health charity in Cambridge, and an umbrella organisation, Supported Loving, run by Dr Claire Bates.

The impact

It fills a massive gap in what is available to help individuals find peers who can be their friends.

It’s very informal and can provide a bridge into other support networks on the recommendation of peers/staff. The network clearly helps individuals gain skills and experience of talking to different people and forming friendships/partnerships.

The COVID online format has been very relaxed and flexible – so can be (virtual) face-to-face and they can come as themselves or as their avatars

It is underpinned by a robust co-production approach, in other words, it is driven by the individuals who are members. The board is chaired by an individual with lived experience and events are developed to meet what members want.

It also provides a way into sexual health services that have been adapted to the needs of autistic people, people with a learning disability or both with Dhiverse, a sexual health charity in Cambridge and an umbrella organisation Supported Loving run by Dr Claire Bates.

It has improved professionals’ approach and understanding of their role in helping individuals to have good friends or romantic relationships and helped build their confidence to talk relationships.

There is a membership fee if people can afford it of £10 a month. There is no charge for people if this would be a barrier to joining the organisation.

How is the new approach being sustained?

Safe Soulmates operates with a focus on Cambridge and is starting to think about work in Peterborough.

It is funded through a wide range of funding, including Community Fund 2018, National Lottery COVID Funding 2020 and Reaching Communities 2020 Big Lottery, Cambridgeshire Community Foundation, East Cambridgeshire Community Grants, Cambridgeshire County Council, Cambridge County Council Innovate Funding, Evelyn Trust, Cambridgeshire and Peterborough Police Crime Commissioner, The Fore, and membership fees.

Safe Soulmates is currently looking at different models for making it more sustainable and business planning includes:

providing lived experience training for corporates, education settings, parent/carers and supported living provision.
additional friendship schemes.
developing a Safe Soulmates franchise reaching other regions because services that support peer-to-peer friendship are quite limited in England.

Lessons learned

They are also aware that there are some groups that they need to do more reaching out to. Current membership is mainly male (65 per cent male to 35 per cent female), autistic and age 18 to 40, but they are aware of older adults with learning disability who may not have had a diagnosis would really enjoy becoming a Safe Soulmates member.